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Overall Table of Contents

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Confirmed that although he survived, his view on life and death has not changed

Shiohigari

But, since it's a life I managed to pick up.

Taro-chin

That's right.

Shiohigari

I don't really think there will be another one.

Taro-chin

So, conversely, there is a sense of trouble in surviving. The only weapon I had, which I had bet everything on, "alcohol," is gone, so I have to start from scratch. I never thought it would turn out this way. It's not like Nakajima Ramo, but I intended to drink until I die. I mean, if I'm going to die, I would rather die on stage, but I had that resolve while drinking. I never once considered a future where I would quit drinking after surviving.

Shiohigari

I see.

Taro-chin

There were quite a few times when I thought I wouldn't drink if it came to that, so starting over from zero is probably a lot bigger for me than everyone thinks.

Shiohigari

That might be true, yeah.

Taro-chin

So, I might quit my job and try freelancing again. I often say this, but since I've lost my pancreas, maybe I should lose my job too.

Shiohigari

There are things you only realize after losing various things.

Taro-chin

It's like that. So, since the alcohol I used to drink to fill the void is now gone, I have to find a different way to fill it.

Shiohigari

That's right.

Taro-chin

It feels like I'm searching for various pieces to fill the gaps.

Shiohigari

How about it? Is there a view that has become clear after losing your pancreas? It's not like anything has changed; in the end, my hands stopped shaking. Right after I was discharged, I went to visit you at Taro-chin's house. Then, when I got there, the person who came out saying "Welcome" was some old man I didn't know, so I was really surprised.

Taro-chin

The old man came out all wobbly.

Shiohigari

I was surprised because a frail, skinny, and even bald old man came out.

Taro-chin

That's right. You've come back quite a bit now.

Shiohigari

No, I think I've really returned to a public image that's much closer to what I used to be. I'm really glad about that. In the past, people used to say my face was as round as the moon, but now I look like a skinny old man walking with a handrail.

Taro-chin

That was when I was walking with a cane.

Shiohigari

Right? So it must feel like being reborn.

Taro-chin

No, I had a feeling about this for a while, even during my hospitalization. I thought I might survive and people would say something like, "Your outlook on life has changed," and I even hoped that I might change a bit too, but in the end, I didn't really change. I still don't think, "Oh, I absolutely hate alcohol now," or anything like that. I don't think, "I was wrong back then." And conversely, my views on life and death didn't change either. People don't really change; even now, if something goes terribly wrong, I still think, "I want to die."

Shiohigari

There are a lot of those feelings.

Taro-chin

Tomorrow's plans seem annoying, and I don't want to deal with them. I think, "It would be nice if the company just exploded." It feels like it would be easier if everything just disappeared. Nothing really changes. How should I put it? It feels like nothing changes. So I think the biggest thing for humans is "to die or to live," but even skimming over that doesn't change anything, which makes me realize that humans don't change. It's like confirming that. It's like, "See, nothing really changes." So, you know, you can't really say anything about experiences you haven't had. It's like how it's not good to criticize a movie you haven't seen. I’ve seen a bit of the world of death.

Shiohigari

That's a bit true.

Taro-chin

The biggest change is that I’ve become able to say things like that.

Shiohigari

Ah, I see.

Taro-chin

When it comes to the narrative that says you change when you’re on the brink of death, I feel like I was on the brink but didn’t change at all. I think I’ve earned the right to say that. I hope I can express such things.

Shiohigari

In the end, it doesn’t really change, does it?

Taro-chin

Exactly. So, I think we shouldn’t blame things like that.

Shiohigari

That’s true, I see. Well then, it feels like alcohol has just disappeared. It’s like alcohol and cigarettes are gone.

Taro-chin

It’s gone.

Shiohigari

By the way, have you found any alternative to that?

I Started Playing Fighting Games

Taro

So, I don't know if I've changed, but I've started playing fighting games.

Shiohigari

Ah, that's right.

Taro

Sometimes I just find myself playing Street Fighter, and up until now, I've been streaming games while drinking, but honestly, I was just playing games as a side activity to drinking. To be frank, anything would have been fine. Sometimes, not playing games would help me focus more on drinking. But since I've cut back on drinking, games have become more of the main focus, and I want to play interesting games. When I play, I want to actually get better at fighting games.

Shiohigari

That's amazing. As a result of losing various things, you're now facing this anew.

Taro

Well, it's like I didn't get into my first choice, so I ended up in my second choice. It's not like I'm super excited about it, but it's all I have, so I'm putting my all into it right now.

Shiohigari

That's great. But I was watching your streams on Twitch the other day, and I was surprised at how good you are. You're moving like a real fighting game player.

Taro-chin

It's quite different compared to the past.

Shiohigari

You're already a master, right?

Taro-chin

I can't say I'm a master. Well, even if I were, it doesn't mean I'd become a pro.

Shiohigari

No, but that was amazing. It couldn't have been done with trembling hands.

Taro-chin

That might be true. That's something that has changed, it's amazing.

Shiohigari

It's just that it's so big. I haven't really been drinking much lately either.

Taro-chin

Yeah, you mentioned that.

Shiohigari

But for me, that alcohol wasn't really a big deal, so I felt like it was fine to not have it. I just kind of stopped. Well, it's not like I completely don't drink now, but I just kind of quit.

Taro-chin

Yeah, it's definitely big. You know, I have this personality where I tend to think about things all the time, and I can worry infinitely.

Shiohigari

That's true.

Taro-chin

Because I keep thinking about those kinds of things, I ended up drinking to cut that off, you know.

Shiohigari

I see.

Taro-chin

To dispel anxiety, or rather, if I think any more, I'll get tired, so I think I'll just have a drink. Ultimately, I believe there are people who can switch their thinking without drinking, but for me, I set that trigger to be alcohol at some point, so I used that method to switch. When that goes away, I have to find or create another trigger. Conversely, I might be immersing myself in fighting games instead of drinking.

Shiohigari

That might be true. Yeah. I also didn't have the idea of switching, for sure. I tend to face my anxieties head-on, so I always carry them with me. I never forget them, and the moment I wake up, I remember them and feel overwhelmed.

Taro-chin

Isn't that tough?

Shiohigari

It's tough. I don't really know what to do either. But I think I have enough mental toughness to get by, even though I've never really thought about switching my mindset like that. But who knows? I might be saying I'm mentally strong now, but I could break down someday. You know, when some huge problem arises. Until now, I've been more about maintaining my mental state; I don't think I can increase my mental HP. I just believe I can raise my mental evasion ability. It's about avoiding direct hits.

Taro-chin

Reducing the impact.

Shiohigari

Yeah, yeah, yeah. By twisting the body and twisting the mind, I'm specialized in deflecting that impact, so my HP doesn't have to be that high. If I get pierced through, my heart might just die normally.

Taro-chin

Ah, that might be true.

Shiohigari

I think the optimal solution for me is to study various things and gain knowledge to enhance that evasion ability.

Taro-chin

I see. So I can probably create a logic within myself and come to terms with it. I mean, I'm good at that. I can easily verbalize things like, "This is what this means."

Shiohigari

That's right. I think I'm relatively good at that.

Taro-chin

Yeah, that's true. But it can be tough, you know?

Shiohigari

But you know, during the COVID-19 pandemic over the last three years, there was a period when I felt a lot of happiness. We're basically homebodies, right? We stay at home. So when they said to completely refrain from going out during the pandemic, it didn't really change much for me. I was mostly working remotely anyway. I mean, I didn't have to go to the office, and I mostly shopped on Amazon.

Taro-chin

Well, I get that.

Shiohigari

During that time, I hardly went out. A lot of illustrators like me didn't have any work. Everyone's jobs just disappeared all at once. So everyone was at home playing games. And even though I didn't have work, it was kind of reassuring to know that everyone else didn't either. The constant anxiety I have is really about being a freelancer. I tend to be more of a company employee type, you know? I prefer stability.

Taro-chin

That's just how I am.

Shiohigari

So my biggest gamble in life was really quitting my job to become a cheap artist.

Taro-chin

That's right.

Shiohigari

Yeah. The pressure of work has definitely decreased quite a bit compared to when I was at the company. But in exchange, there’s always this economic instability lurking around.

Taro-chin

That’s true, yeah.

Shiohigari

So that economic anxiety has always been something that followed me around, but during that brief moment in the COVID-19 pandemic, that anxiety disappeared. Instead, it was like, "Everyone is in the same boat." With subsidies and all, I felt really secure for a while, well, just a few months, of course.

Taro-chin

Ah, I see.

Shiohigari

So, that state of having no anxiety is what I experienced. It’s definitely the first time in the last ten years that I’ve felt that way. During that period, I was really happy.

Taro-chin

So, if I got 200 million, I would definitely invest it to keep getting 10 million, right? (laughs)

Shiohigari

Yeah. I think I would invest it at a 5% annual interest rate. So, if there’s a way to switch gears like that, if there are techniques for that, I’d want to know. I’m not into alcohol or drugs or anything like that. But there are healthy alternatives, like Street Fighter, right? So I think there are people who switch gears with those kinds of things, and I feel like that’s something worth pursuing.

Taro-chin

How should I put it, ultimately, it’s all just something I’m concerned about, like I’m just turning away from my anxieties.

Shiohigari

Ah, I see.

Taro-chin

It’s there, but pretending not to see it is exhausting. I can’t help but see it, you know?

Shiohigari

Yeah, that’s true.

Taro-chin

I try to distract myself by drinking or playing fighting games, but it’s always lurking in the background. So, I don’t really know if that actually helps relieve my stress.

Shiohigari

Ah, that’s right, well, in the end, it’s fundamental. I need to deal with that anxiety.

Taro-chin

Right now, I just quit my job and became freelance. So, I’m really anxious.

Shiohigari

There’s definitely anxiety.

Taro-chin

I wonder if it's going to be okay. So, when that happens, it feels like I have to work hard, and I end up working late into the night, but I didn't quit my job because I wanted to work that much, you know? It's a struggle, and it's tough. On the other hand, if I just sit around all day, I have my family to think about too. I tell myself that this isn't good, and pushing myself like that isn't healthy either, so I hate getting into that loop. That's why I thought, let's do a street fight as a distraction!

Shiohigari

A different path, huh.

Taro-chin

That's right. Before, it was about drinking and watching comedy videos, but now I can't do that anymore.

Shiohigari

That's true, you can't escape from that financial anxiety. I think that's the case for all freelancers and creators. On the other hand, there are people who live without worrying about it at all, but they might not even know how much they're earning.

Taro-chin

Right. Being able to do that is really just a part of their nature.

Shiohigari

It's just their nature.

Taro-chin

It doesn't change, you know? Even if you have 200 million or 1 billion, I think there are still those kinds of worries.

Shiohigari

Probably so.

Tarochin

I guess it won't change.

Shiohigari

That's true. Well, let's make 200 million together (laughs).

Tarochin

That's right.

Shiohigari

This year.

Tarochin

For now.

Shiohigari

Once we make 200 million, I think we can save a bit, after all.

Tarochin

For a moment of peace, we drink and make 200 million.

Shiohigari

Yeah, people are just like that.

Taro-chin

Right. So, whether you quit drinking or don’t have 200 million, it’s really not that different. You’re still going to worry. You’re still going to feel pain, that’s what I think.

Shiohigari

That might be true. After all, you can’t change your nature. That’s just how it is.

Taro-chin

I’ve been tormented by my own mind all along. When it comes to joy and suffering, since it’s all in my head, I think that external factors won’t really change anything, even if I think, “If I had this, things would get better.”

Shiohigari

That might be the case. I’ve always said that you shouldn’t fight against your nature, so it’s been a lot. You can only play the hand you’re dealt.

Taro-chin

You have no choice but to play. After all, I believe that you shouldn’t forcibly pull out something that’s stuck in your heart and rusted over.

Shiohigari

Because blood flows. Now, shall we introduce the third song?

Taro-chin

Yes, it's "Kiss in the Morning" by Creephyp.

Translations for a Meaningful Life

Shiohigari

It was "Kiss in the Morning."

Taro-chin

Yes. So, Creephyp is mainly written and sung by a person named Sekai Kan from Ozaki, but this song is created and sung by the bassist, Kaonashi. We have a bit of a connection, and Kaonashi originally liked Nico Nico Douga and game streaming.

Shiohigari

Oh, I see.

Taro-chin

Yeah, it seems that way. And at one point, he mentioned that he had been watching. We both like alcohol, so it felt like we were comrades supporting each other through drinks, and we hit it off a bit, so we started drinking together occasionally. Since I originally liked music, I was listening to Creephyp normally. When a fan told me they were watching, I was like, I was the one watching.

So, how should I put it? There was a sense of respect, and we were able to build that kind of relationship. When I was hospitalized, Kaonashi was really worried and even made a song to support me. Right after I was hospitalized, he made a song for encouragement and went out of his way to create a recording and sent it to my hospital room, and I listened to it while bedridden. He’s been really good to me. It’s amazing. I don’t think of myself as much of a creator, but it makes me really happy that someone who respects me would create something directed at me, which is why I wanted to introduce this song. A manga artist named Kurappe-kun draws a manga called "Haguchi-san," and we’ve been close enough to work together for a long time. He even sent me drawings while I was in the hospital, and there’s also Gari-kun who sent me supportive messages.

[blogcard url=”https://comic.pixiv.net/”]

Shiohigari

I drew it. A picture of Munetaka Murakami.

Taro-chin

Yeah, yeah, I thought, "Why?" (laughs). He gave me a painting of Munetaka Murakami. I had it displayed in my hospital room.

Shiohigari

What was it again? A painting like "Fly Ball Revolution Towards Tomorrow."

Taro-chin

He painted it for me while I was battling my illness.

Shiohigari

He really did.

Taro-chin

Each of those things made me really happy, you know? When I was told it was a matter of life or death, I was able to survive by relying on those things. I mean, I was really grateful. I kept thinking how thankful I was. It made me feel that way. And then, with this Creephyp song, after I was discharged, I had that experience, and when I came back, this new song was released.

And it was really good. At that time, I was still in rehab and couldn't move freely, but listening to this made me think, "Ah, I've returned to the real world." I realized I could listen to something new like that, and I thought about how living means being able to touch new things because you're alive. So when it came time to choose three songs, I wanted to include one from after I survived.

Shiohigari

Ah, that's nice. It makes you feel the future.

Taro-chin

That's how it is. I have to say it positively like that, or it might end up sounding dark (laughs).

Shiohigari

That's true.

Taro-chin

So, I put it in.

Shiohigari

You know, when I was hospitalized, everyone was drawing pictures, right? And I have a really good relationship with Yuki Kikuchi, the creator of 'The Crocodile That Will Die in 100 Days.' So, I thought it would be nice to make Taro-chin happy. When I went to eat yakiniku with Kikuchi-san, there was this guy named Taro-chin who was on the verge of death, and he loves crocodiles. Since he likes '100 Days Crocodile,' I asked Kikuchi-san if he could draw something for him. I thought Taro-chin would really appreciate it, so I was planning to send it to him later, but at that moment, I completely forgot about the whole 'will die in 100 days' part.

Taro-chin

It was really bad.

Shiohigari

Even though it's considered really bad luck, I realized it just before sending it, and I was like, "Oh no!" (laughs). So, I felt a bit sorry for Kikuchi-san, but I didn't send it at that time.

Taro-chin

Yeah, I was discharged.

Shiohigari

So, after being discharged, I finally handed it over once it was confirmed that I wouldn't die in 100 days. At that time, I was already completely fine and not dying at all.

Taro-chin

It was around 100 days later that I was really on the verge of death.

Shiohigari

I thought I should stop giving it away because it could have happened, and finally after I got out of the hospital, I went home and gave it to that skinny old man (laughs).

Taro-chin

I'm glad. Things like that. I was really grateful. I keep repeating this, but I'm not the type of person who creates those kinds of things, so I have a lot of respect for them. I have a lot of respect for musicians and comedians, and because of that, I want to see them rather than wanting to meet them or become friends; I want to keep them as something above me.

Shiohigari

Oh, I see.

Taro-chin

If anything, I like bands like Elekashi, and I like Miyamoto and Gen Hoshino, but I don't really want to meet them and talk. I'm actually scared that various emotions will arise if I do. So I thought I wanted to keep a bit of distance, but even at that time, I was moved by the fact that someone would throw something at me like that. I felt really grateful.

So I wasn't really trying to reach out to those kinds of things, but I thought I should properly say thank you. After I got out of the hospital, I really like Crystal Noda from Magical Lovely, and he was handing out business cards at the Tokyo Game Show.

Shiohigari

That happened.

Taro-chin

I had a chance to make contact, but in the past, I would have been like, "I'm a fan of that person I admire!" and I would never go. It's embarrassing, and I get nervous, and I don't want to be recognized. But then I thought, I've almost died once, so I should express it when I can. I took a step forward and said I've been watching for a long time. It turned out that the other person was also someone who liked games and Nico Nico Douga, so they seemed to know me.

Shiohigari

Oh, I see. That's amazing.

Taro-chin

And then you sent me a DM on Twitter later, and that kind of thing made me realize a change in my values.

Shiohigari

Yeah, it's a big event after all.

Taro-chin

So, I guess you could say that's a positive change.

Shiohigari

What I've gained from losing my pancreas.

Taro-chin

It's definitely better to have a pancreas.

Shiohigari

It's definitely better to have one. The pancreas is convenient. When I hear stories from people who have lost theirs, I really think the pancreas is useful.

Taro-chin

I think it's better to have a pancreas rather than needing social skills, but if I had to say what I've gained from losing it, that's what it is.

Shiohigari

That's how it is.

Tarochin

It's a search for that kind of thing, a life without a pancreas. You can only play with the cards you're dealt.

Shiohigari

After being dealt, they get confiscated, though.

Tarochin

Since you can only play with the remaining hand after it's confiscated, you have to write on a blank card to create a positive feeling for yourself.

Shiohigari

Tarochin says something about not being creative, but I think I'm quite a creative person, you know, Tarochin.

Tarochin

Thank you.

Shiohigari

Things like game streaming are also part of it, and I think that's a great form of creativity. Plus, you write too, as a writer and editor. I really love Tarochin's writing, and that note summarizing the illness is super interesting. Also, collaborating with someone like Kurappe-sensei to create a novel or a manga doujinshi.

Tarochin

You were doing it, weren't you?

Shiohigari

You were doing it, right? You've been involved in quite a few things, but do you have anything in mind that you want to pursue creatively in the future?

Taro-chin

Yes. I thought it would be good to mention that. It's related to quitting my job and all, but where should I start? I consider myself a writer since writing is my main profession, but I think of what I do as translation rather than creative writing like novels.

Shiohigari

I see.

"I'm happy when someone says, 'Your writing is easy to read'"

Taro-chin

At Netorabo, I write news articles, and the purpose of a news article is to convey "this happened." Anyone can write facts, and in interviews, I summarize what was said. However, I want to explain the meaning or intention behind it, and I prefer to use expressions and vocabulary that are easy to understand without using difficult words. I find it rewarding when people say, "I don't usually read much, but your writing is relatively easy to read and interesting."

Shiohigari

That's nice.

Taro-chin

I think that being involved in that kind of industry is probably the meaning of my life continuing.

Shiohigari

Ah, that's a wonderful significance.

Taro-chin

Since I'm alive, I thought I should do something meaningful, so I became a freelancer.

Shiohigari

That's wonderful. I think what's amazing is that I really like to express things in a suggestive way in my writing, not stating everything outright. I enjoy creating something that conveys meaning through nuance, allowing readers to infer what I'm saying. However, that tends to select my audience. I often say that literacy is necessary, and many of my fans are from the literature department at Meiji University.

Taro-chin

That's very limited.

Shiohigari

Right, that's why I participate in design festivals. When I do caricatures and someone comes up to me saying, "I'm a huge fan of Shiohigari," I often ask them, "What do you do for a living?" and they say, "I'm studying at the literature department of Meiji University."

Taro-chin

That's their profession.

Shiohigari

Then when I ask the next person what they do, they often say they're studying at the literature department of Meiji University... So, it really is a selective audience. Of course, there are plenty of people who don't understand what I'm saying. Among them, there are some who say, "Oh, I like this," and I'm really grateful for that. But I feel like there's a significant divide. There are people who can read my writing and those who can't. If I tell someone who doesn't usually read novels, "I really like Haruki Murakami, and I recommend Norwegian Wood," they will definitely not read it, and even if they do, it won't resonate with them.

Taro-chin

That's right.

Shiohigari

So, I never recommend novels to people who say they don't read them. But I think if someone reads Taro-chin's writing and says, "Well, I'm not really good at reading, but I can read your writing," that’s a significant and meaningful role that brings some kind of salvation, so I hope that continues to be pursued.

Taro-chin

That's right. It's the age of videos and such now. I'm not really sure if written media can sustain itself in the future. But I feel like I have no choice but to do this. For example, shogi has become quite popular with players like Sota Fujii emerging. Before that, during the time of the Denou-sen on Nico Nico, there was this era of wondering which is stronger, computers or professional players. I became interested in shogi back then. The world of shogi is incredibly fascinating, with the characters of each player and the culture surrounding them being hilariously interesting. However, there was a lot of humor that was more of an inside joke, and I felt there was no storyteller to articulate and convey that, which struck me at the time.

Shiohigari

Ah, I see.

Taro-chin

In shogi, there are phrases like, "Yagura is the pure literature of shogi," and fans might say to each other, "Is your way of life Yagura?" But for someone who knows nothing, it’s like, "What’s Yagura?" I have this tendency to want to explain what makes it interesting. So in a way, it might seem a bit clumsy, but if explained properly, some people will understand, and that might lead them to get hooked. I enjoy reading things that are written in that way. If there's something I love in a genre that lacks a storyteller, I want to become that storyteller.

Shiohigari

And now, there are fighting games, like Street Fighter.

Taro-chin

I think there are interesting contents and village cultures like that, and the internet has played a significant role in articulating those.

Shiohigari

That's right.

Taro-chin

I used to write a blog about shogi for a while, and I vaguely thought it would be nice to be able to live by doing things like that when people read it.

Shiohigari

Ah, I see.

Taro-chin

It's not that I want to become a shogi writer, but I think it would be nice to be a storyteller who translates the "interesting parts" of various things.

Shiohigari

Sounds good.

Taro-chin

There are various factors to consider, like whether there is enough demand for it to become a livelihood, but I thought I would try to do something like that, so I quit my job.

Shiohigari

I see. I think it's a really meaningful job. The SKOOTA editorial team needs that too, so if you're interested...

Taro-chin

I would love to get some work. If I could get work and money, that would be great. Without money, you can't really continue doing things like this, right? It's true for everything, but I hope to find a way to balance doing things I enjoy while also making money. Yes.

Sakoda

Finally, speaking of connecting to the future, there’s a term like curation, but the fact is that while there is one truth, how we express it and interpret that truth can change. There’s just so much content out there now, so having reliable and fun interpreters and translators is really important. It’s not about going to verify the content as a fact, but rather that because Taro-chin interpreted it that way, there’s definitely a movement to seek out that truth.

Taro-chin

Yes, I hope to be able to do that. I often say, "Right now, I don't have a pancreas," but I do have one, technically. It's just that two-thirds of it is necrotic and only one-third is functioning; I haven't had it removed. I say it in a catchy way, but (laughs). I realize that people who truly don’t have a pancreas might find that inappropriate. But I think there’s a need for catchiness, and sometimes language doesn’t hit the mark unless you say it that way. If you convey the facts too accurately, it becomes something like, "I have a little bit of a pancreas... just a bit, like a not-so-spicy chili oil." It becomes unclear. There’s a lack of imagery. In that sense, I want to express it more in a right-brained way, like through songs or music. I have this image of wanting to do that using left-brained language. So, I want to write those kinds of strange sentences. Yes. I want to do that kind of translation.

Sakoda

Yes, I would definitely love to work together. Shiohigari-san too.

Shiohigari

It would be great to do something interesting together next time.

Taro-chin

I want to do something fun.

Sakoda

Let's summon that circle from that day here, into the present world.

Taro-chin

Well, I really want to do something like that.

Shiohigari

Yeah, while drinking tea.

Taro-chin

Right. While drinking tea.

Shiohigari

While having afternoon tea, I want to think of something interesting.

Taro-chin

Let's do it, definitely. I look forward to working with you in the future.

Shiohigari

Thank you very much. Now, at a good stopping point, today's guest was Taro-chin.