In the recording with Taro-chin and Shiohigari, the evolution of their lives, walking together in friendship, was discussed, intertwining their unpretentious humor and sincere reflections. I plan to delve deeper into Taro-chin's unique "youth" that emerges through his experiences as a member of the "Internet generation," his quest for self-expression, and the focus he has developed after the recording.
Taro-chin's Youth and Self-Exploration
Born in 1985, Taro grew up during a time when Japan was experiencing economic difficulties after the bubble burst, while the internet was rapidly spreading. His generation is often referred to as "digital natives," being the first to grow up with the internet from a young age. He encountered the internet during his middle school years and began expressing himself online by creating "text sites," marking the start of his self-publishing journey. Despite harboring skepticism towards formal education and a rebellion against societal frameworks, the support from his parents at home, who encouraged him to "do what he wants," provided him the freedom to explore his identity.
The phrase "Little Hiroyuki," frequently mentioned by Taro and Shiohigari, reflects the atmosphere of the time when internet forums and blog culture were on the rise, stimulating young people's self-awareness through the internet's high anonymity and ease of expressing opinions. Taro's questioning of "Who decided what compulsory education is?" resonates with this context. He was driven by a desire for self-exploration beyond the confines of school, and it is evident that his intellectual curiosity and courage to choose his own path blossomed through the internet.
Taro's Growth with the Internet
Taro began streaming game commentary on Niconico Douga around 2008. At that time, video streaming platforms were in their infancy, and streamers functioned as a loosely connected community of "peers." The presence of Shinsuke, a streamer from the "Yutori Group" whom he admired, greatly inspired him, and through his commentary activities, he gradually built his own place in the community. In this era, when the number of streamers was still small, there were many opportunities for streamers to gather casually and deepen their connections. This early Niconico Douga culture can be described as Taro's "digital youth." It is also interesting to note that this led him to connect with famous streamers and gain opportunities as a writer.
At that time, Niconico Douga was recognized by many young people as a "platform for self-expression," fostering an environment where they stimulated each other and explored their "selves" online. This growth through the internet complemented the "uncertainty of reality" that he felt in his twenties and became an important element supporting his personality and inner self.
Friendship with Shiohigari and the "Sadness of the 20s"
The friendship between Taro and Shiohigari reflects a bond of "best friends" who have supported each other through difficult times. In particular, Taro's expression of "wandering the streets, knowing sadness in my 20s" encapsulates the memories of overcoming loneliness and anxiety faced after entering society together. The two would often drink together several times a week, sharing their daily worries and frustrations. Taro's reflection on that time as "wandering the streets" suggests that friendship became a source of emotional support for him, as he struggled to find "stability" in reality.
Later, Taro pursued a career as an editor at Netorabo, while Shiohigari began to find success as a freelance illustrator, leading to changes in their relationship. Although they would talk about "doing something fun again" when they gathered, it often did not materialize. However, the current situation, where Taro has returned to freelancing and is eager to take on exciting challenges again as a "long-awaited unemployed," indicates that he is gradually reclaiming "himself" at his own pace.
Turning Points in Life and Support from "Elephant Kashimashi"
A particularly memorable episode in Taro's life is how he has been supported by the song "Our Tomorrow" by Elephant Kashimashi. This song expresses the "sadness and love of the teens, twenties, and thirties," serving as a "theme song for life" that motivates him. The lyrics sung by Hiroji Miyamoto, the vocalist of Elephant Kashimashi, resonate deeply with Taro's experiences, leaving a profound mark on his heart.
The "rebellion against the world" felt in his teens, the "sadness" in his twenties, and the "responsibility and love" in his thirties are reaffirmed through this song, making it "music for self-affirmation" for him. The music of Elephant Kashimashi transcends mere entertainment, becoming a guiding principle in his life and functioning as a support for living strongly from within.
Ultimately, Taro's life is a journey of continuously exploring "what it means to be oneself," marked by a cycle of rebirth through accepting failures and changes. His situation, where he was forced to stop drinking, reflects a determination to step away from the "escape" of alcohol and reassess himself. As he seeks a new path through illness, he is indeed in the process of standing on his own feet again after experiencing the end of "quitting drinking," and there are high expectations for his future activities.
"Imitation of the Outgoing" and Self-Expression on the Internet
From here, I would like to discuss the era when the internet presented itself as a kind of "village society," using the personal media such as "text sites" and "USTREAM" that emerged in their conversations as clues. From the late 1990s to the early 2000s, while the internet was becoming widely popular, it was still a closed space where many users were concentrated in a limited demographic. As a result, self-expression online naturally formed groups of individuals with similar values, developing into a highly literate "village." In this environment, personal humanity and preferences were strongly reflected, with simple and personal content like text and early game commentary at the forefront.
In the dialogue between Taro and Shiohigari, their self-awareness of "us, the introverts, imitating the extroverts" is evident throughout. In their time, the internet was often regarded as a "shadowy place" by mainstream society, and as they sought self-expression within it, they brought in the camaraderie and playful spirit of friends. However, this was not merely imitation; for them, it was also about establishing their unique identity. In the online space, detached from physical locations, the impulse to "express what they love" took shape, leading to the subsequent cultures of YouTubers, VTubers, and streamers.
Additionally, the concept of "collaboration" was often avoided at that time, symbolizing the atmosphere of the internet back then. Individual expression was respected, with a focus on non-interference from others, but in today's internet, collective activities and interactions with large followings have become the norm. The transition from a culture that values privacy and individuality to an era that seeks collaboration and mass appeal is quite evident.
The Opening of the Internet and the Disappearance of Its Underground Nature
The story they tell about how "the advent of smartphones turned the internet into a battleground" highlights the changes that occurred as the previously closed online space expanded and the user base diversified. With the spread of social media, the internet became accessible to the general public, transforming from a space for "introverts" to one where "extroverts also participate." This change blurred the once-clear boundaries between clusters, reducing it to merely the attribute of "just the internet," which has led to a sense of alienation among former internet users. Their words reflect a nostalgia for the time when the internet was an "underground space for expression" for a select few.
Tarochin and Shiohigari position themselves as "internet elders," expressing their nostalgia for the past. There is a sense of sadness in their words, suggesting that the "way of life on the internet" they cultivated is losing its place in today's massified internet.
"Triggers that Block the Heart" and "The Unchanged Self"
Through his experiences between life and death, Tarochin continues to confront his values, revealing thoughts on life that emerge after facing death, or realizations that come only after loss, highlighting the importance of daily life in compensating for those losses. His discovery of a death-and-life perspective that has not changed significantly, despite overcoming a life-threatening crisis, gives his words a unique depth. Below, I will elaborate further.
It is symbolic that Tarochin describes alcohol not merely as a preference but as a "trigger that blocks the heart." He relied on alcohol to cut off the chains of daily anxiety and thought, but this reliance was abruptly severed due to illness. After experiencing a life-threatening situation and surviving, the alcohol that had been a constant suddenly "disappears," leaving his heart in a state of emptiness. He expresses this as becoming "empty," and this sense of loss may have prompted a realization of the need for a kind of "self-redefinition."
On the other hand, his discussion about "the unchanged self" is also striking. Generally, people are expected to undergo a dramatic change in their outlook on life after standing at the brink of death. However, he asserts that "nothing changed." He explains that the very fact that one's views on life and death do not change significantly is part of "human essence." This perspective sets him apart from commonly held societal beliefs.
Moreover, as Tarochin expresses his determination to restart as a freelancer, his approach to confronting anxiety is also intriguing. Freelancing often leads to economic instability and a loss of life security, living in a constant state of risk. While he feels that anxiety, he seeks freedom and self-actualization in exchange for his commitment to work. He perceives this as "a new way of living gained from losing his pancreas."
In contrast, Shiohigari maintains a lifestyle that thoroughly confronts anxiety, which can sometimes make him mentally strong but also suggests that it may become a significant burden at times.
In summary of the entire recording, while Tarochin speaks of having "changed nothing" after his experience of returning from the brink of death, he has actually gained new insights in the form of "reconfirming his position." This rediscovery may mark the beginning of his new journey and serve as a foundation for weaving his future.
(Written by: Yuki Sakoda)